What Am I?

At this moment, I am what I am!

But this state was not my Original State when I was born. I evolved. Now I don’t even identify myself with the humans, the ones that I am surrounded with.

My state is the destiny for at most a thousand humans who have walked and will walk this Earth for all of its time on the Earth. And this is simply because I am just a unique outcome in this Game Of Chance – an unlikely outcome of the evolving Bounded Randomness between all the particles of this Universe.

To me there is no human feeling that I couldn’t analyse. Love, Hate, Fear, Anger, etc.

Let me take the apparently complicated and abstruse of them all – love.

Analysis Of Human Emotions:
Love is the sum total of the fragile human egotism finding a deluding, distracting comfort and happiness from the ravages of absolute uncertainties, in the company of individuals or materials that fulfil existential needs, shelter from existential threats and reinforce and augment that fragile ego.

Egotism is an outcome of preferential self-preservation of the machine itself, not only the genes that created it.

By this definition we can include everything that we have loved and will love. Fear is the primal emotion for all living entities, not love – the threat of annihilation.

I have been able to discern all because I am ‘aware’. I am so aware that I can connect all causes and effects, even before they take place. I am a wonderful story teller, I foresee actions and reactions, the entire chain of it – thoughts, speech, gestures, all of it. I accepted this Awareness as a gift. Earlier, I was very uncomfortable with it, but because of it I am learning what I wanted to know all that there was to know. The Awareness clashed with my formal education.

Formal Education requires a blind faith upon whom I shall perceive myself to be dependent. My peculiar circumstances and my awareness made sure of my scepticism of all things human. Up to a point of time I did entrust that faith upon my mother and one, only one, of my teachers. But then, I lost it by 6.

Humans are just like animal-ecosystem – some are like the carnivores, majority, the herbivores. Only with more memory and awareness. This memory and awareness have combined to form what we find as group existence. There is a fluctuation, a randomness which is involved, only the Mathematics Of Pure Chance ensures a faithful representation of the Bell Curve in both memory and awareness.

I am so aware that I can’t force myself to memorise information like those Memory Competition Champions. My awareness says those are meaningless stunts, just mere survival strategies. Nothing great comes out of it, or music, or literature, or poetry: those are feeble human constructs by feebly endowed.

So gradually, I began to belong to no one, no one I could identify myself with, but with only great books. Even with my wife or my child I can’t identify myself, even when they represent the best of my then-available choices. I am not unhappy because of it. They are but the mere results of the same Bell Curve occurring in many natural phenomena. I share only 25% of it regarding my child, none with my wife. Why, because 50% nature, rest nurture, and 50% mother, 50% father. Very simple! Actually, far complicated than this, even never 50% of father, but random, because father’s is some random set of genes from his father and mother, not exactly 50-50.

My desire:
Given the sham world that we live in, of which I have provided enough glimpse of for a suitable mind, I don’t associate myself with humans. I am more, I am different, I am aware, I can be God.

God of the scriptures? Nah, too parochial, too brute-tribal-chief kind, except perhaps that Brahman in the Isha, Kena and Katha Upanishads. Only that individual sounds a little like a saint – distant, detached, observant, preserver of balance. That Brahman is actually I. I as more than the Multiverse, the entire multiverse within me. That can only be like an Immersed Reality.

I have come to terms with death as ‘Nothingness Beyond’. End of the Awareness. Full Stop. Happiness is a choice. Unless it is physical pain, I lose something of my own, I am happy. I am happy when this ‘I’ ends.

With this detachment I come to see the entire Game Of Life. From the Non-living to the Living, by chance alone, random. From first replicating molecular machinery to Me. I have no father, no mother,…

My Unique Perspective:
Our parents give birth to us. Pleasure of satisfying Existential Needs, aided by memory and awareness. When the result is good, when the baby can walk, talk, run, make things, fully autonomous, then the feeding of rituals, cult, non-sense begins, just to retain control on the offspring. Adult carnivorous animals like tigers and lions move elsewhere and have their own territories. Elephants, herbivores and primates don’t. For humans, healthy babies are then considered to secure their parents’ future and carry forward the bloodline. We are imprisoned by their irrational actions just to retain control – individual egotisms manifesting themselves.

Our self-preservation, faux education, emotions,… come in our way and hinders our judgements. It did for me too. But I was saved by myself. As if I had three minds – one, the awareness seeking solutions to problems and broadening itself; another, listening to those commands from the awareness to solve the most pertinent problems, multiplexing, depending on the priorities, and give back results. The third, linked with autonomous animal functions.

Maybe, at an early point in my self-development I sent a command to the deep processor not to take into account the half-baked informations from elsewhere, but to weigh them carefully against each other. Perhaps my mother’s long suffering because of cancer and family bickerings and dominance battles to hinder her recovery, when there was still time, snapped the final attachment – I figured we were just animals, left to fend for ourselves, and that I had to listen only to myself, that I was surrounded mostly by weaklings and thus, hypocrites. I observed the same story everywhere.

Hence, I can’t follow and commit myself to a syllabus, I want to know at the beginning itself how far would the syllabus lead me to. I can’t control my memory. The other mind controls it. I will do what I figure as important. I am a hunter, focused, acutely aware of my environment.

It clearly appears to me that the Games going around me are a Sham. The educators can’t and don’t educate, the administrators don’t administer, the judges can’t judge, the doctors can’t treat. Zombies. Everyone acts out of personal existential fears, but have so wrongly, tightly knotted themselves with mal-information that they can’t function rationally.

Aware of the inevitable death, all are just trying hard to survive, trying not only to justify and render meaning their otherwise their meaningless lives, but to self-delude of the outcome altogether. Awarenesses with false informations and false constructs of the Universe – whatever they try is bound to fail.

This is the way the world is running, it is just sham. Just that some saner awarenesses have pulled out the entire humanity from the brink of destruction every time in the past. In this failed system all are doomed, 99.99999999% of them – as humans, as purely rational entities. Just animals with some awareness, some rationality, mostly driven by base emotions.

A Particularly Distasteful Game:
I would site one specific example: In a game of governance, the executives the judiciary and the tertiary are the overt beneficiaries. They get salaries for perpetuating government establishments. We are told that chaos and anarchy will reign supreme if there is no governance. And we accept it.

The overt beneficiaries are the corporates who collect and pay taxes to the government and the legislative, the politicians are the ones who are covert beneficiaries. How come?

The corporates are the first ones to abide by the legislatives’ imposition of any additional arbitrary taxes, because that doesn’t hurt them. They pass on the burden to the public. The legislative arm-twist the corporates when the latter are fresh entrants, and become the members of their boards and manipulate policy decisions and earn salaries.

The ruling party(ies for India) loot, while the opposition shouts. When the public says ‘enough’, it votes the rulers out and brings the erstwhile opposition in for governance. Now it is the turn of the current ruling party to loot, while of the erstwhile ruling party, now the opposition, to shout. Then the public votes out the current rulers and brings in the opposition in the next term.

So cyclically, the politicians play the cat-and-mouse game, fooling the public and looting them, while the public, like the herd animals, covered from all fronts by the predators, run from apparent opportune gape to another. Only one or two get killed by the predators, while the rest survives and continues grazing as if nothing happened! The commercial media is hand-in-glove with the main players.

The judges ensure that no serious case against the government is decided against the government, unless the damage is substantial. All the anti-government cases begin with a lot of media coverage, hype and hoopla, but ultimately end with whimpers. People remain unconcerned so long as they can carry on with their mundane lives.

The judges are duty-bound to the government because they are a part of it and earn salaries for doing nothing. They are paid for maintaining their disaffected distance and sitting over files, reports, commissions and cases.

The general public is the unwitting grazing herd in the jungle with the lions, the tigers, the wild dogs, the hyenas, the vultures, the ants and the bugs. Nothing from the carcass goes waste.

But there must be some like me who register and remember. But we can’t register everything alone. But we as a group can. We could sit together and form a covert secret group of big industries, and with enough money and resources we could manipulate the world governments. We let the game continue but control the players and the outcomes at crucial junctures. But do we?

Is there is an all-controlling Secret Society?
I don’t believe that a Secret Society is in control of the Game Of Governance. This present system is not its intentionally-faulty Construct, built just to engage the lesser kinds with self-delusional games, while the best ones carry out, and on with, their projects – to augment their intelligence, be disease-free and ensure their continued survival.

This covert organisation can’t ignore the entrepreneurial spirit and the ideators. Ideators don’t come along the usual way. They can come up from anywhere — not by a well-traced path. The Organisation is to invent and modify its value-systems to stay ahead of the race and needs fresh ideas and inventions.

Despite my radical blogs and ideas I have never been approached. And my footprints are everywhere on the Internet for them to find me. So, is there a secret society? Decide for yourselves.

Also, when some has come in some has to go out, as weakness can’t be allowed for this assumed covert, highly-efficient organisation. I have never read about a fallen member from a Secret Society killed or thrown out.

Selection for the next iteration:
If this Construct and a structured control is indeed in operation then those who cooperate with their governments in collecting taxes for them, should also not pass through. Taxation, however justified, is faux-rational, organised exploitation racket. Those who stay aloof and self-reliant, but keep learning science & technology – with its quantifiable, epistemological, philosophical and collectively-favourable Game-outcome underpinnings – never losing self-belief, are the only ones who should pass through.

Life is a Game of Chance, of randomness. It is not absolutely ensured that children of two really very Bright and Wise persons would be Wiser than either of the two. They tend to be. But there are also cases when the offspring have been mentally or physically, … well, … differently-abled. There was and will be microscopic bugs all around us and accidental errors during the creation of a new life! Life and Civilisation are cases of both Nature and Nurture. Nothing is for granted.

But given a choice, I would definitely like to join this society, not for control, but for doing what I do best: improvise and invent. Thus far, I have chosen not to build or invent. I have filed for, and received, one patent only.

My experience tells me that following an invention or discovery it is the mankind, criminals included, who get the best out of it, but the inventor or discoverer is attenuated. He would then have to enter into human bickerings and games to prove the child to be the best. Of course, the inventor/discoverer is just another animal. But not all of the inventors/discoverers are.

I would invent things that would serve my perpose, give me edge over those animals — not give it away and disempower myself, when the system is exploitative. And when a system becomes highly oppressive, those who could take mankind forward take back their faith upon the system.

That is why kingdom and dynasties have failed. And Governments have failed. They fail when creators like me find there is nothing for them but only attenuation of their stature and tyranny of the mediocre majority.

And governments will continue to fall — as it failed in Nigeria — as long as we replicate the steps of the Mesopotamian, the Greeks, the Romans, the Aztecs, the Mayans, the Indians, … So long as we suffer from fear and pain, we will continue to fail. This is confirmed.

Kingdoms, Governments, … all are about their constituent entities’ posturing and pretensions. When calamity calls, posturing fails. The true picture of government self-service emerges. That is the time to sift the chaff from the grain.

My USP:
I am so unlike the flawed ones! So different. I am not a snatcher, nor an usurper, not even the one who invents just to reinforce their mating rights, just for kick, or just for altruism. Giving the wisdom to others to dis-empower the self at the cost of empowering the rest. Pure suicidal, just following the diktats of the altruistic genes. I am … just that, the awareness.

My animal mind doesn’t let go of self-preservation programs. I too like to expect that I, the awareness, would, at one level, continue to exist. But the awareness knows that this is a false belief. At least, I have not had any iota of evidence of augmented life or life-forms, and I don’t believe the God of the Cultus. I just don’t. A God, that created the Universe, so parochial, so touchy, so egotistic, competitive, attention-craving an entity with us who are, what, 10-25 times minuscule than Itself? Doesn’t simply add up! Just a feeble construct of the weak human minds.

A simulation, a test? I can accept that. What should logically be a positive outcome of such a test? I am given an awareness with memory with a locomotion device. So I to know them the best I can and then understand and finally be wise. What do I need to learn? That I need to understand that those parameters I have been given are inadequate, not become attached to these limited editions, and that I need to grow, beyond this limited body, awareness and memory, and I am to find a way, at least an inkling, to do so. That I should not have any dogma, false-beliefs; absolutely detached from what I have been given, but still use them to keep learning.

What have I learnt – I am not of this body, this human entity, this limited edition. I am not attached with the humans. I am open to the fact that if the need be, this entire construct should be purged, including this me, because there are infinite more bad outcomes against one good outcome. But that is how the Universe came into being.

If given an opportunity I would like to heighten the awareness and the processing power and memory of the brain and remove the pleasure of food, intercourse and man and woman. There will just be procedural exchange of genetic material to outwit the microscopic parasites and their artillery for their continued existence.

My Next Course Of Action:
This brings me to the final point: Given this limited body, awareness and memory, what I have learnt is to change the body and specific identity to remove the programming of the primitive cerebellum, augment the awareness and memory, and detach from the pain sensation. In short, to transfer the awareness and memory to a different, augmented level, even without a body, if need be.

So what is required? Given the mess humankind has created – pollution, destruction of the ecosystem, greed, delusion, oppressing and exploiting the fellow human beings, while all stand mute – isolation of the best seeds and the purge of the entire human kind, including me, with say, Botulinum toxin or some more potent ones? Possible. The Jews, the Moslems, the Christians, …, they are best purged than allowed to continue to hurt each other eternally. They are the unintended beasts of the experiments with cults — the pre-scientific era ethics and morality. Hitler tried. Churchill said so.

In an alternative reality, maybe Hitler is not even dead but secretly escorted out of Germany and lived and died peacefully in, say, Patagonia? Maybe, the purge was not planned, but only executed by Hitler, and planned by some other Higher Power? After all, those who identify themselves with their cultus are no better than their cults. Cults are in the end only weak constructs of feeble minds living in pre-civilisational proto-communities, that have lasted till date only because of the slow natural evolution of the Bell Curve in Space-Time!

Is gassing them out at all required? No! We, the innovators, inventors and discoverers, need just to move out and hide elsewhere, and this feeble construct of the feeble minds will implode upon itself  lOl  X-D . Just waiting out will suffice 😀

But who is going to initiate the walk-out and help shed the excess baggage the Earth has been carrying? Who is going to decide when it’s time? Well, that is the question for which I think I have an answer! 😉